Moments of Self Doubt and Despair

This has been a pretty dark year so far for me. I won't get into detail until it is over with - that's just how I roll. There are a few people who know my troubles, but I don't like to broadcast them. I only write this today, because I am hoping that there is some good that can come from the prayer of others. Mine are not working so far. My connection is broken. My prayers fall on deaf ears of God, the powers that be, the Great Spirit, or whomever it is that handles such matters. My soul aches.
I need to know that all will be alright, but more than that, I need to know HOW.
I want to know WHY. And I need to know what horrible person I was in a past life to bring down such karmic wrath. I try to be a good person, without being walked all over.
I help whomever I can whenever I can.
I am kind to small children, the elderly & strangers.
But I am loosing faith that good things happen to good people. It seems that only horrible people ever get ahead in life, and if that's true, I can't keep it up anymore. What's the point of fighting the good fight if the good guys are always destined to be the losers?
I don't know that I believe that there is a heaven or a hell.
I don't know that I believe that this is all there is in the universe either.
I just want to see some real glimmer of hope.
I need to know that all will be OK, because if it's not, I need to know that too.

Teeny Weenie Piggy Poos

I want one. Or even two, or three.

But that is likely not going to happen any time soon. It's sad too, cuz who wouldn't cuddle one of these little suckers. I mean - check out the teeny tiny snouty, and the itty bitty hoofsies!


OOOH! Halloween piggies! They are so sweet - I even like the black ones, and I think they get ugly when they're grown up. Little man liked this one best. I think it's the pose. He says it's the piggy.


I prefer the spotty ones. They're super cute. His/her name would be Inky Dinky Doo. Or Weee little Piggy. Or Piggly Wiggly.

What would you name a teeny tiny piggy? Would you want one? They are very smart - much smarter than dogs - would you keep a house pig? Boy or girl? Color - does it matter? Really - I could use some input!

Not that I'm getting one any time soon. Funds are too low, prices too high, and I don't think I could handle a house piglet. OH! I COULD NAME IT PIGLET!!! I better stop now. Go on, confer. I would love to hear inputz.

Little things & one big one

It's been a little while since I've written about anything. Sorry for those that care. :) Lots of little things have happened.

• I'm on a new antidepressant that seems promising so far, though it's not doing much for the anxiety side of things.
• My little palomino that I sold seems to be fitting in well in her new home, and both her & her new owners seem happy with each other.
• Toney Boney has been having some major bladder control issues, that have proven to NOT be from an infection ... it appears that our pup is just getting too old to control himself, so we're not sure at this point how much longer he'll be with us before his quality of life is less than happy for him.
• Cupcake got a MAJOR haircut, and looks a lot like a poodle again now that she's a temporary shorthair, but her energy level is up, and she is enjoying sticking with me for walks & trail rides.

The kids are great, Larry's enjoying his job, and I am s-l-o-w-l-y getting the new photog. biz off the ground. I'm thinking of having some artistic prints made, matting them, signing them & taking them to a farmers market, don't know if that would work, but it may be worth a shot.

Gramma had a pretty scary episode last Friday that had all of us worried sick. She'd just eaten her breakfast, and stood up from her chair when she suddenly lost her vision. Mom helped her to sit down, then she got sick, her blood pressure shot up, then fell and she passed out. They called an ambulance but by the time they got here, Gram was more or less back to normal - vision & all. In the ER, they did a ton of tests, and found her salts were off, and she had a UTI. It took 2 docs before we heard what the likely culprit was ... the infection knocked her system a little loose, and that paired with her neuropathy problems caused some miscommunications between her nerves & brain. The infection is now kaput thanks to some wicked good antibiotics, and we'll just have to be careful that she doesn't stand up too quickly or show signs of any new infections.

Aging is a bitch. Not just for those that are aging, but for those around them that love them too. It's so hard to see her slipping when it seems like just yesterday she was chasing down my big sister in the back yard to give her a spanking - and catching her too.