Monday, August 23, 2010

Moments of Self Doubt and Despair

This has been a pretty dark year so far for me. I won't get into detail until it is over with - that's just how I roll. There are a few people who know my troubles, but I don't like to broadcast them. I only write this today, because I am hoping that there is some good that can come from the prayer of others. Mine are not working so far. My connection is broken. My prayers fall on deaf ears of God, the powers that be, the Great Spirit, or whomever it is that handles such matters. My soul aches.
I need to know that all will be alright, but more than that, I need to know HOW.
I want to know WHY. And I need to know what horrible person I was in a past life to bring down such karmic wrath. I try to be a good person, without being walked all over.
I help whomever I can whenever I can.
I am kind to small children, the elderly & strangers.
But I am loosing faith that good things happen to good people. It seems that only horrible people ever get ahead in life, and if that's true, I can't keep it up anymore. What's the point of fighting the good fight if the good guys are always destined to be the losers?
I don't know that I believe that there is a heaven or a hell.
I don't know that I believe that this is all there is in the universe either.
I just want to see some real glimmer of hope.
I need to know that all will be OK, because if it's not, I need to know that too.


  1. Oh Kimi, I just wanted to let you know my thoughts are with you. Keep your chin up and things will work out. I will say a special prayer for you tonight. (((HUGS)))

  2. That does not sound so good.

    The good guys always win the war--just not always the battle. Hang in there

  3. Thanks guys, it means a lot. I just hope that a way presents itself soon. I am so lost right now.