I gotta say - I have had luck in the past with most eastern medicine - i.e. herbal supplements, vitamins, etc. I have had little to NO luck in the past with relying on doctors to help me with the things that docs consider -- insignificant.
I don't know where you stand, but, for me, being in a depressive state for nearly all of the time between 15 and 31 is NOT an insignificant problem. I am not talking about just bein' a little blue here. I'm talking about deeply depressed, borderline dangerous - for me- frame of mind. Docs don't care. They would not care, unless I had a kitchen knife stickin' out of my forehead.
That don't sound to comfy to me, or realistically a proper solution to my bad frame of mind.
When it started, it was pawned off on 'oh, just a teenager'. Then, I always felt like it was something that should not be talked about - like there was a shame that went with being miserable. Just what I needed - shame on top of self loathing.
After the kids came along - even though there was a gap between kiddo no. 1 and losing baby no.2, docs chalked it up to postpartum depression. OK, so, what about during the pregnancy? I'll buy postpartum for some of the after, but 5 years of postpartum? Come on. Get real, docs.
Of course I was upset when I miscarried. And depressed & nervous the whole pregnancy for kiddo no.2, but really? where's the happy? Few moments. Moments.
Now, long story short, over the past 5 years or so, I have been had my thyroid levels tested 3 times - as ordered by a doc, because apparently, low thyroid levels can be to blame for depression - amongst other problems I have as well. I had some hope that this last test would yield some results that could help me - BUT, for some reason, the complete panel that was ordered --- was NOT done. They only did a general scan, which, I 'passed' by less than a tenth of a point. The lab refused to finish the test. So, this was my third borderline test result.
I am so discouraged by doctors at this point, I don't think I will ever go again, unless it's totally necessary. I could understand if ONE of 3 tests was borderline, to ignore it. But all 3? WOW.
I was angry. I was hurt (don't ask me why but I took it quite personally) and I was so very very discouraged. Then I said screw them. I KNOW there's a problem. It may not be major, but it must be enough to screw me up - at least a little!!!
So, I have taken matters into my own hands.
I'm goin' Eastern Medicine. Herbals. Aromatherapy. Sun Worshipping. All that sillly hippie shit.
And you know what? Not even a week, and I am .... happy. I haven't cried in days. I smile all the time. I am thankful for all that is going on in our little family, and for the first time in years, I am not filled with total self loathing. I am relaxed, calm, and I can feel my energy levels rising.
All this on a week when, well, without getting to personal, I should be feeling more like crap, not better.
Just wanted to share. And, remind everyone that if you aren't getting satisfaction from your docs, it's not always bad to take matters into your own hands. After all, they don't care. They don't. It's not a big critique, it's just the truth. If it's not an emergency - they couldn't give a rat's ass. That's all. Thanks for listening :)
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Frustrated ... Again
Have you ever had a day where you end up more confused and irritated than you started?
Seems to be a common occurrence around here lately. Not that I wake up confused, but once people & critters start poking themselves into my peripherals & interacting with me I sure have been watching the stress level rise.
For instance - Wheezy. Holy wah. OK. She's blind in one eye, suffers from heaves, and I believe that she has some sort of other malady as well. She just doesn't keep weight for beans. Doesn't matter how much she eats, it just doesn't go anywhere. Everything has been done. Veterinary intervention, supplements, medications, weight gain, special senior diet, even though in years she is no senior by my measure.
None of it matters. She will not hold weight. Add to that the simple fact that this one eyed business is the pits. She has NOT adjusted to it. That has to be adding stress. The other horses pick on her - I can't say if it's because of it or not because frankly, she was always low horse on the pole. I just don't know what the hell to do with her. It would probably be easier to handle if she were a snuggly, friendly, warm, engaging animal. But, she's not. Sure, she can be friendly. She can be sociable - but easy going & fun to be around - not likely. She can be most of those things for a little bit at a time, but truth be told, most of the time she is a cantankerous bitch.
She has at one time or another - and sometimes, all at once: bitten me (no biggie) charged me, tried to bash me with her front, and her back end, she's reared up at me when I tried to give her hay, struck at me when I walked up to open her gate, and most recently - after turning her fool ass around in her stall, waited until I walked past her gate to try to kick me with both barrels so to speak. She got the stall door, but she sure did tick me off.
Now, I have not beat this horse. I have not worked her over. I have actually been an advocate for her, and come up with new ways to try to improve her health that she has looked forward to - generally involving food.
But she continues to try to take a shot at me. I'm sorry but that just pisses me off. Never again will I be her advocate when someone seriously talks about putting her down. I think it's time. Her health is not going to improve. This is just fact. If pouring on food does her no good, supplements don't dent it, and meds do not help her - I'm thinkin' we're at the end of the line.
It's not my call though. It's not my horse. I have not told her owner (mom) about this last indiscretion of her horse. Every time I mention how she has tried to nail me, Ma's reaction is always the same - incredulous shock as all she can say is "Wheezy?!?" As if that particular mare is so far above that kind of behavior. NO. I'll let it continue until she decides it's time to put her down or I end up with a broken leg - unless of course, one of the kids enters the picture. But, I really don't think Wheeze has that much time left in her. We will see.
Seems to be a common occurrence around here lately. Not that I wake up confused, but once people & critters start poking themselves into my peripherals & interacting with me I sure have been watching the stress level rise.
For instance - Wheezy. Holy wah. OK. She's blind in one eye, suffers from heaves, and I believe that she has some sort of other malady as well. She just doesn't keep weight for beans. Doesn't matter how much she eats, it just doesn't go anywhere. Everything has been done. Veterinary intervention, supplements, medications, weight gain, special senior diet, even though in years she is no senior by my measure.
None of it matters. She will not hold weight. Add to that the simple fact that this one eyed business is the pits. She has NOT adjusted to it. That has to be adding stress. The other horses pick on her - I can't say if it's because of it or not because frankly, she was always low horse on the pole. I just don't know what the hell to do with her. It would probably be easier to handle if she were a snuggly, friendly, warm, engaging animal. But, she's not. Sure, she can be friendly. She can be sociable - but easy going & fun to be around - not likely. She can be most of those things for a little bit at a time, but truth be told, most of the time she is a cantankerous bitch.
She has at one time or another - and sometimes, all at once: bitten me (no biggie) charged me, tried to bash me with her front, and her back end, she's reared up at me when I tried to give her hay, struck at me when I walked up to open her gate, and most recently - after turning her fool ass around in her stall, waited until I walked past her gate to try to kick me with both barrels so to speak. She got the stall door, but she sure did tick me off.
Now, I have not beat this horse. I have not worked her over. I have actually been an advocate for her, and come up with new ways to try to improve her health that she has looked forward to - generally involving food.
But she continues to try to take a shot at me. I'm sorry but that just pisses me off. Never again will I be her advocate when someone seriously talks about putting her down. I think it's time. Her health is not going to improve. This is just fact. If pouring on food does her no good, supplements don't dent it, and meds do not help her - I'm thinkin' we're at the end of the line.
It's not my call though. It's not my horse. I have not told her owner (mom) about this last indiscretion of her horse. Every time I mention how she has tried to nail me, Ma's reaction is always the same - incredulous shock as all she can say is "Wheezy?!?" As if that particular mare is so far above that kind of behavior. NO. I'll let it continue until she decides it's time to put her down or I end up with a broken leg - unless of course, one of the kids enters the picture. But, I really don't think Wheeze has that much time left in her. We will see.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Thinking of Spring
Yesterday, an old friend from high school posted on her facebook page that she was interested in putting together a container garden this spring. She's posted about it before, but I think now that all the stores are starting to stock seeds & seed starting materials, the bug is setting in. Happens to me every year, but generally speaking, me & seeds don't jive. Don't get me wrong. I am perfectly cabable of seeing them through germination, and even past that gangly first few leaves thing. My problem is simple though: I start my seeds too soon.
I'm sure it's a problem many folks have here in the great white north. I start them too soon, and they get tooo tall trying to soak up a little sun from our overcast Michigan winter sky. Grow lamps don't help. They just try to wrap themselves around it, even if I keep them un naturally close to the lamp. I just don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong. IF I try again this spring, I'm going to put my little peat pots over a heating pad - you know, the ones designed for aching arthritic joints? I think that would work. It works great for raising bread! I don't know.
Probably the best thing I can do is forget the seed starting all together and just buy my sorry ass some already started plants. It's much more encouraging to my sorry instant gratification self.
One day, it's just dirt filled pots then - BOOM! WOW! Look at these lovely 8 tall plants that have materialized! It's like ... MAGIC!! ooooooooo. Then of course, all it takes is just occasional weeding, fertilizing & little adjustments for placement (not too hot, not too cold).
I am by no means a pro at container gardening. I am a hack, at best, at ANY gardening that requires too much supervision. I am very much the 'water & go' kind of girl. Maybe that will change as my boys grow up, but if I know myself, that's not bloody likely. I have too much to do, too many things to see. And it can't even have a prayer of getting done if I'm tinkerin' around with weeds & pumpkin rot & powdery mildew, tomato bugs, aphids, and the like. Ugh.
Having said that, I may write more about how I've done - what's worked, and how NOT to do it. But, the day is early, I have chores to do, and even get to meet up with a couple of old friends later. :)
I'm sure it's a problem many folks have here in the great white north. I start them too soon, and they get tooo tall trying to soak up a little sun from our overcast Michigan winter sky. Grow lamps don't help. They just try to wrap themselves around it, even if I keep them un naturally close to the lamp. I just don't know what the hell I'm doing wrong. IF I try again this spring, I'm going to put my little peat pots over a heating pad - you know, the ones designed for aching arthritic joints? I think that would work. It works great for raising bread! I don't know.
Probably the best thing I can do is forget the seed starting all together and just buy my sorry ass some already started plants. It's much more encouraging to my sorry instant gratification self.
One day, it's just dirt filled pots then - BOOM! WOW! Look at these lovely 8 tall plants that have materialized! It's like ... MAGIC!! ooooooooo. Then of course, all it takes is just occasional weeding, fertilizing & little adjustments for placement (not too hot, not too cold).
I am by no means a pro at container gardening. I am a hack, at best, at ANY gardening that requires too much supervision. I am very much the 'water & go' kind of girl. Maybe that will change as my boys grow up, but if I know myself, that's not bloody likely. I have too much to do, too many things to see. And it can't even have a prayer of getting done if I'm tinkerin' around with weeds & pumpkin rot & powdery mildew, tomato bugs, aphids, and the like. Ugh.
Having said that, I may write more about how I've done - what's worked, and how NOT to do it. But, the day is early, I have chores to do, and even get to meet up with a couple of old friends later. :)
Monday, February 15, 2010
Evil Pesties
I know. Yesterday was all about the love - so why did I start the day thinking about evil nasties. Well, I can assure you, it wasn't my fault. I was sippin' on a little coffee, thinking of all I had to do this morning when from over my shoulder, outside my window, I heard an awful screeching squawking noise. Oh, dear Lord, no. BLECH. I HATE THESE DAMN THINGS!!! Unmistakeable to my ears since I have been waging war on them for several years now, the screech of one of the two rotten rat bastard birds I loathe. And, here they are. Grackles....
And Starlings.....
These birds suck. They are nasty disease ridden pests that take up residence in ALL of our outbuildings and shit freakin all over everything. I swear, during the worst part of the season Dad's big barn has a river of bird shit in it.
And Starlings.....
These birds suck. They are nasty disease ridden pests that take up residence in ALL of our outbuildings and shit freakin all over everything. I swear, during the worst part of the season Dad's big barn has a river of bird shit in it.
If you think I'm being cruel in saying these things suck the big one, look them up. See all the harm that they do. I am not exaggerating. They are evil. They kill bluebird babies too, and quite frankly, I prefer songbirds. They kill the songbird eggs, or chuck the babies out of the nest. That isn't kosher with me, and when you add to that the fact that they are NOT native birds - well, I will never be one to cry if they were to suddenly dissappear from the U.S.
So, the attack plan is simple.
1)Try AGAIN to block all passageways into the barns & out buildings.
2)Build Traps to catch the little rat bastards (they are smart. I've seen them get caught, and consequently escape.
3) Pick up one of those fake owls and see if it helps - that IS what they're there for.
and finally...
Hope like hell that the kestrel box my husband placed will actually attract kestrels. This would be great. The kestrels, or .... sparrow hawks... love to eat these vermin. They clean em up. We had one nesting IN the big barn a few years back, but when we closed up the barn, well - the kestrels couldn't get it. I think we had far fewer nasty birds around that year too. I can only hope all of this will work to nail these buggers.
If all else fails, I'm not against picking up a kick ass pellet gun and picking the little buggers off one by one.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I Love ....
Yes, I stole the idea of this post from a very talented, classy blogger-lady, but that's ok, because it's a good one. And well, I love that too!
Because it's Valentine's weekend, and because I am desperately trying to get myself into a more positive mood, I thought I would share some of the things that I love. There are many more, I know, but these are the ones I choose to reflect on today. Who knows, I may even get into the 'R' mode and get creative today, and crank out a few paintings, crafts, or drawings. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I Love ...
Russel Stover Chocolate covered marshmallow caramel hearts.
my little boys' laughter & sniggers
the smell of Ralph Lauren's 'Romance'
my horses
Lilacs in springtime
the birthmark under my hubby's eye
Photography
thunderstorms
ice covered trees
watching cubby bears play in the woods
the smell of leather
my Daddy & Ma
the color of autumn oak trees
the way the U.P. feels like home
babies - of all kinds
no foam lattes - caramel or butter rum
busting through snow drifts on my horse
Lake Michigan
my home made wine
sawdust
puppy breath
fresh berries
NCIS
Roses
the squeak of a saddle
watercolors
Lemons
My Gramma Flash - incredible, classy lady.
Mother of Pearl nailpolish
barn stars
potato soup
Cowboy boots
mud
gun powder
wicker chairs
ironwood trees
My Grampa Clyde - I miss him so.
family history
Mancino's ham & cheese grinders
yoga
swimming
the sound of the horses galloping up to me
Little House on The Prarie books
old family photos
making jam
training horses
date bars (it's a cookie)
baby powder
dry humor
marbles
Because it's Valentine's weekend, and because I am desperately trying to get myself into a more positive mood, I thought I would share some of the things that I love. There are many more, I know, but these are the ones I choose to reflect on today. Who knows, I may even get into the 'R' mode and get creative today, and crank out a few paintings, crafts, or drawings. But, I'm getting ahead of myself.
I Love ...
Russel Stover Chocolate covered marshmallow caramel hearts.
my little boys' laughter & sniggers
the smell of Ralph Lauren's 'Romance'
my horses
Lilacs in springtime
the birthmark under my hubby's eye
Photography
thunderstorms
ice covered trees
watching cubby bears play in the woods
the smell of leather
my Daddy & Ma
the color of autumn oak trees
the way the U.P. feels like home
babies - of all kinds
no foam lattes - caramel or butter rum
busting through snow drifts on my horse
Lake Michigan
my home made wine
sawdust
puppy breath
fresh berries
NCIS
Roses
the squeak of a saddle
watercolors
Lemons
My Gramma Flash - incredible, classy lady.
Mother of Pearl nailpolish
barn stars
potato soup
Cowboy boots
mud
gun powder
wicker chairs
ironwood trees
My Grampa Clyde - I miss him so.
family history
Mancino's ham & cheese grinders
yoga
swimming
the sound of the horses galloping up to me
Little House on The Prarie books
old family photos
making jam
training horses
date bars (it's a cookie)
baby powder
dry humor
marbles
when Velvet nuzzles me :)
7B pencils
fresh whipped cream
bluejeans & flannel shirts
campfires
ice cold beer & pretzels
a certain mirrored Ibanez guitar
drum corps
the feel of a galloping horse under you
My Gramma Lil & Grampa Harry
smoky eyeliner & mascara
fresh cut grass
4 wheel drive
jelly beans
WD-40
sleepy Sunday morning kisses from my boys
cartoons
Chuck Taylor All Stars
Hammocks
my .45-70
Jet skis
Bungee jumps
picnics
snarky comments
baby elephants
Shiva Oil Paints
Gardening
neck kisses
Singing
Kat Von D
Blues & Browns
Twilight
Sea Turtles
Fjords
Sweden
Norway
Finland
my engagement ring
orange juice
blue glass
Vintage Model T's
crisp white linen
blueberry cake donuts
tack stores
owls
Shipshewana
deviantart
foals
Jacques Torres
Northern Lights
teddy bears
lockets
sunset
romance
welcome nickers
little boy snuggles
my hubby's arms
blizzards
Mark Harmon as anyone
Harrison Ford as Indiana Jones
Nick from CSI
sunday airplane rides with Dad (been years, but I loved them)
Day trips
Road Trips
The bridge
Uncle Don's voice
Uncle Doug's laugh
Grampa Harry's songs & poems
Incense
pancakes
kittens
corduroys
bib jeans on little kids
being barefoot
sun dried laundry
sunflowers
sweet corn
Van Gogh
whimsy
Impressionism
new paintbrushes
carving wood
feathers
fudge
sheepdogs
aooga horns
grilling
''oooh - wee!''
sorghum
wolverine
sand dunes
new hardcover books
There is more. Lots more. much more that I love than what I don't, and I am trying to stay positive here! But, there are my thoughts for now. I will stop. :) Please, comment if I missed something that you find CRITICAL. I'm sure I did.
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