So, here we are. End of 2010. A year that I am not sad at all to see pass by. I am so thankful that this year is finally over. It's been one of the worst on record for my family all around. The work front for my folks & myself has been beyond dreary. There has been little to nothing for us to do to keep our heads above water all this year. I know that there are a LOT of people in the same boat as we are, but it certainly doesn't make it hurt any less.
This year, we have lost so much. So much, that it hurts to look back at the things that are gone. The biggest and hardest loss was of course, the loss of the house that my Grampa Clyde built.
My father and my childhood home is gone. This has been breaking my heart & spirit for a long time. I am trying to move forward, but it is so terribly hard.
Grama's health has been slipping, more so the past few months.
A much less devistating blow - but one that was still quite hard to swallow - was my dog Tony's sudden passing. He was fine one minute, gone the next. Same deal with the goat, Chompy - he'd tied out all year long with no incidents, then somehow, he got tangled up and presumably choked himself to death - though, the rope wasn't tight. I don't get that one at all. Unless, I want to go conspiracy theory and think that someone did him in. (Dear God, please, don't let that be the case, I'll never sleep again)
Mom & I have prayed, burned candles, asked the spirits above for guidance, and very little has become apparent.
Larry & I are in a house that we aren't totally happy with, but we are fixing it to suit our sensibility a little more. It is incredibly hard for me to be here though when my horses are on what is left of Grampa's homestead (no, we didn't loose the whole farm, just the house. The barns, and a majority of the land, with an access easement is ours -- free and clear I might add). I am there with them 2 - 3 times a day. Sometimes, the middle of the night too. They have electric, water, and food aplenty, so they are not wanting for much. But, I am wanting for them outside my kitchen window.
Mom, Dad & Gramma are in the little house with the flowing well. They are cozy, but they too are ... unsatisfied, I think. I bring the boys to see Gramma as often as I can, but home improvements and horse & house duties make my afternoons both fly and drag.
I do not believe in New Year Resolutions. No one ever keeps them. It's just a chance to depress yourself further, so I try to avoid such nonsense. I have already started on what I plan to do with my life. Started it long ago, and though there have been some bumps, and some redirection on the HOW we will get there, I am more determined than ever that we WILL get there.
The place we are at .... we have it on a land contract. SO, if all goes as desired, Larry will finish school in a couple years, get himself a job in his desired profession, and we will sell this place. It is, in all honesty, a perfect place for a young family. There is room for kids or dogs to play - just not enough per township ordinaces for horses to frolic.
Once it is sold, we will be moving north. I want to go to the Upper Peninsula. But, my second choice is Northern Minnesota - near the border waters. If neither of those work, I am totally open to Alaska, North Dakota, or Montana. I just want to be out of this area. I feel like it just sucks the life out of the people that live here.
I will have my horse farm. Even if it's just for me & the family, I will have a horse farm with a training area. That is what is in my heart, and it will happen some how. The when is the problem.
So, I will keep chippin' away. And, playin' the lotto, cuz you never know when luck will finally turn your way. Lord knows, it's time for my luck to turn to good again, and when it does, I will be ready.
Happy New Years, friends, countrymen, noblemen, and interwebz pals. May the powers that be smile down on you with good fortune that you could never imagine, love that will bridge the gaps when luck fails, health to keep you on your feet running, and happiness regardless of the cards you are dealt. I only hope that my wish is returned to me as well.
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