A break was required. So, I guess I failed the 31 day picture challenge. Boo. That's OK. I have good reason. Good news, and bad news.
First, the bad news, so I have a way to look up.
At the very tail end of February, my Grandmother, as pictured in the post immediately before this one, had a massive heart attack, followed by a very abbreviated stay in the hospital. Abbreviated, because she refused any and all invasive treatments. Basically, if it wasn't treatable with medication, she wanted no part of it.
So, she went onto hospice, and came back to my folks house. That was on Sunday. She passed away early the following Friday morning.
So, I have been trying to grieve. And not doing such a great job at it. Partly because, well ... she lived and died the way she wanted to. She was 89/90 depending on what record you believe.
I had to keep it together. For the family. And, for myself. You see, I pushed myself to try and speak at her funeral last Monday.
And, I did it.
Kind of. I did speak, though not eloquently, and not to the degree that her memory deserved, but I gave it my best shot, and did well enough .... until I spotted her coffin. I lost my voice, and my composure.
But, not one other person in the church that knew her could even try, so I think I did well enough.
God bless you, Gram. I know you're OK now. I know your wait to see Grampa Clyde is over, and you're together again. And, that 51 year wait to see your firstborn son is over now too. The three of you are back together, and I promise I will do my best to keep mom & dad happy enough.
Now, the Good news, and ironically, something that I would like to think Gramma would have been proud of me for.
I spoke out.
I spoke out against violence on women. Actually, I did this months ago, but now it's my turn to be featured on THE most incredible blogs I have had the pleasure to read.
I heard from MaggieDammit - the genius behind Violence Unsilenced that it was my turn.
I am honored to be a part of this incredible movement. Maggie is inspirational, as are all of the folks that have been guest speakers/authors/survivors on Violence Unsilenced.
Now, I will try to warn you that although I do not have as terrifying or heartbreaking a story it is still an insight as to WHY I am the way I am. It was certainly a pivotal moment in my childhood that I can't quite get out of my head. It was a moment in time that damaged the way I view men that aren't part of my family. But, it's also a moment that I constantly remind myself of .... that it could have been worse. It could have been horrible.
Please, support the brave souls that speak out, and back them up. Even a few kind words can be all the difference.